Capcom is Evil and I’m a Sucker

Today’s post was going to be “Three Christmas Special Games” or something like that (maybe change the title), but for once, internet, I’m not just using google to get my pictures. Instead, I’m using the mythical photoshop, but they aren’t ready yet and I don’t want to delay the post any longer. Instead we are going to be looking at Capcom, which is quickly advancing on EA and Activision for the title of most evil game company. Capcom is the company behind such mega hits as Mega Man, Resident Evil, Street Fighter and Devil May Cry. They have recently announced that they are releasing a Digital Collection of their old arcade games. Unlike EA and Activision, who are known for releasing a lot of crap over and over again. Capcom’s games are often actually very good. However, this doesn’t mean that the company isn’t playing you like a sucker. Therefore, I shall toast to their evilness and highlight three of their most recent atrocities.

Gaze into the empty eyes of darkness

1.) Resident Evil: The Mercenaries (3DS)
The Mercenaries is a fun arcade-style minigame introduced in Resident Evil 4 (yes, I know 3 had one, but it wasn’t the same minigame). After beating the game, you could play around four stages killing a huge amount of enemies on a very strict time limit. Resident Evil 5 expanded this minigame and, through DLC, added multiplayer. Here’s whats evil about it. The Mercenaries was always a fun minigame that was an added bonus to a larger game. The 3DS version cuts the game and leaves nothing but the minigame. No problem right, as long as they give us lots of content. Well there isn’t new content. A limited cast, few unlockables, no new stages. The only new addition is that there are skills you can assign to characters and level up. For a 3DS title, the 3D is barely apparent, and Capcom decided to entice people with a demo of Resident Evil: Revelations, as if they knew the game they were selling was not worth the price of admission. So the game is a ripoff, but I’m a sucker. I’ve clocked more hours on The Mercenaries than any other 3DS game.

If I have to die, I can think of worse ways to go

2.) Dead Rising 2: Off the Record.
Dead Rising is a series about being trapped in a mall and killing zombies, while dressing your character as a woman and killing enemies with insane creations. It a crazy, fun, surprisingly hardcore title. Dead Rising 2 starred a new main character and cut out the photography present in the original. Well, it seems like this didn’t sit well with Capcom, who released this game, as a sort of director’s cut. In this game you play as the main character of the original Dead Rising, and you can take pictures. The rest of the game is essentially identical. So a brand new game and all that Capcom did was add one useless mechanic and swapped the skins of the character model. Sure there are a few changes in the story, and a whole new zone to explore, and some new weapons, but lets be honest, this game is a total ripoff. It was released only a year after the game came out. The question on my mind is: why couldn’t this whole game be a cheap DLC add-on? If I’m being nice, I’d say Capcom was making a definitive version for newcomers to the series. In reality, I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re shaking down fans.

I don’t think we’ve hit the limits of information that can be gathered through anal probing

3.) Super Street Fighter 4 and Super Street Fighter 4: Arcade Edition
Capcom isn’t new to the world of gauging. It has been doing it for years with its Street Fighter series, releasing countless, barely, updates. I bought Super Street Fighter 4. The trailers promised me new characters, better online modes, new costumes, and a better arcade mode. Interviews led me to believe that they wanted to release this game as DLC, but there was just “too much content” so they released a standalone game. This was a total lie. A couple of new characters, a crappy rival battle, smash stuff modes, tweaked online, and character balance, all of these things could have been added easily through DLC, or in the case of character balance, through patches. Oh, and there were no new costumes. Having the game just allowed you to BUY the costumes months after the release of the game. This was lazy. Other than that, it was better than the original and the characters were great, but thats beside the point! Then Capcom released the Arcade Version. This added four new characters, two of which were just re-skins of old ones, and the other two were totally broken in-game. Fool me once Capcom shame on you, but I’m not falling for this ploy twice. There was no reason, other than to ripoff fans, that this game wasn’t released as cheap DLC.

These characters look familiar. Oh yeah, THEY WERE ALREADY IN THE GAME!

This was a hard list to make. Capcom loves to sucker fans out of their money the same way Link loves to sucker poor homeowners out of their pots and money. There are way too many games that could make this list, but I thought I would give you games that I fell for (well not Dead Rising, but that shit isn’t cool). So, beware, internet, the cheap re-re-releases of Capcom games. They’re almost always guaranteed to be lazy. Its as if they are trying their best to BE the Umbrella Corporation.

This guy’s just making sure you pick up your copy of Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3

– Mistranslations for the Modern Gamer

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