Three Gifts not to get Gamers for the Holidays

Continuing my holiday-related posts, today we are going to be looking at a shopping guide. There are so many shopping guides out there telling people to get Skyward Sword, Uncharted 3, and Skyrim, that there really isn’t a need for that. Therefore, I decided to make a list of gifts that you shouldn’t buy a gamer for the holidays. Also, I need to apologize for any lack of proper spelling any layout issues, and the general length of this one. I’m staying with my family for the next few days and am forced to use an ancient computer to compile these posts.

I love google images

1.) Star Wars: The Old Republic
This is a highly inticipated follow up to Bioware’s wildly popular Knights of the Old Republic. As a Star Wars game, it already has a built-in audience. As a ripoff of World of Warcraft, it is poised to take subscriptions away from that dwindling behemoth. The reasons you shouldn’t buy it for a gamer are twofold. Firstly, its an MMO. That is one of those games that consume the entire lives of the gamer. Ask yourself this: do you want to give your son/daughter/friend/whatever a game that will socially segregate them from you during the holidays and beyond? Remember, MMO’s tend to be all-consuming, therefore, any other games they get for the holidays will be rendered useless pretty quickly. Secondly, its a wildly anticipated MMO, if the gamer you are buying the game for doesn’t already have it, they probably aren’t interested.

This game is heroin. You will need an intervention to get your loved one away from it

 2.) Kinect
Here’s the gist of it, internet. Kinect is a miserable failure for anyone who is even remotely interested in gaming. Yes, your grandmother may absolutely love it, but there is no reason any self-respecting gamer to be even remotely interested. What has Kinect shown us it can do in the last year? Well its released sequels to its uninspired launch titles, which have managed to get worse reviews. That isn’t good. The gaming industry loves sequels. With a grand total of zero good games for the system, I beg you not to buy this for your loved one. There are some great casual games that the family can play together in really short bursts, but after the holidays, when you aren’t clumsily playing party games with uncle Bill, you notice that none of the games have the depth required to justify the price tag of the game, no less the Kinect add-on itself. I will put an additional non-recommendation to the Playstation Move, which has the same problem, but hasn’t been marketed as well.

This is really fun for like five minutes and then never again

3.) Party Games
Yes, I know this fits under Kinect a lot, but there are far more party games than Kinect games so they get their own section. Here’s the thing, party games, whether they are quiz shows, board games, motion control minigames, singing games, or drawing games (udraw I’m looking at u), all party games are made for a group of people, not an individual. If you feel that you’d like to see the family playing a game for the holidays just buy one. You don’t need to give it as a gift to the only gamer relative you know. These games are not fun alone for the most part, and any fun they are wears off with repeated play. Gamers are not interested in virtual board games. Here are some acceptable party games if you insist on buying it as a gift for your gamer. Mario games (sports, smash bros, kart, whatever) are all very fun to play both alone and with a group. Sports and racing games as well. These are the kinds of games that the whole family can play, but it won’t get so desperately boring after an hour of continous play.


 There we go, internet, my attempt to save you and your loved ones from really terrible gaming related gifts. But remember, if you get these gifts for the holidays, just smile and nod (or in the Old Republic’s case: lock yourself in your room for the next five years), because nobody likes to know they just spent more than sixty dollars on useless crap.

 – Mistranslations for the Modern Gamer


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