Ambassador Title: Metroid Fusion

Another day of nothing relevant happening, and another day where I get to tell you about the games I am currently playing. Metroid Fusion is a lot like The Sacred Stones. Both games are from notoriously difficult series, and both are the GBA blacksheep. You see Fire Emblem (7) and Metroid: Zero Mission are the far more popular GBA games in those series. However, that just means I haven’t played these ones to death. Metroid Fusion is special. It isn’t a new Metroid by any stretch of the word, but it is cannonically the most recent. I know exactly why they won’t progress the series past Fusion. Its because they replaced Samus’ (the lead) iconic Power Armour with a blue and yellow collection of eye cancer.


Samus’ new archenemy: fashion

You see, internet, the Metroid team decided that they didn’t want to JUST copy and paste everything that made Super Metroid so good awhile back. They created a new enemy the X parasite (distancing the game even further from actual Metroid killing), gave Samus her hobo suit, and most unfortunately of all, gave her a bit of a backstory. That backstory was, relatively, well handeled and innocent in this game. Unfortunately, it was the basis of the story in Metroid: Other M. Other M, for those of you not in the know, was a thorough character assassination of Samus. You see, internet, Samus is special. She is an intergalactic bounty hunter, clad in armour (not sexualized), and has no negative female stereotypes attached to her. Other M turned her into a whiny,  useless, helpless, little girl, who needed a man to even get out of bed in the morning. Basically, they transformed the most progressive female video character ever into a horrible stereotype.


Don’t be fooled by the screenshot. Here, Samus is more of a damsel than Princess Peach

But enough of the warcrime that is Other M, today is Fusion, and Fusion is good. 2D Metroid games were perfected by Super Metroid and that perfection is seen very clearly in Fusion. The platforming is tight, the environments are interesting (if not a little too familiar), and the exploration is adequately addicting. The biggest problem with the game is that you have to be given objectives constantly. This is useful for a first playthrough, but is irratating on subsequent playthroughs, as you have to stop and wait at these stupid little NAV rooms. However, that is only a minor inconvenience, to a much better game

What Not to Wear: Metoid Edition

Metoid Fusion, at the time, was a swan song to the 2D Metoid games. You see it was released at around the same time as Metroid Prime, which was a 3D exploration platformer. Both games were successful, but Prime really overshadowed this game. Prime was so successful that it spawned two sequels and continuing calls from fans for 3D Metoids. Conversely Metroid Fusion has been left there, alone, as the most recent Metoid in the timeline. The developers made changes in order to distance themselves from Super Metroid, but it seems that no new developer wants to touch this game with a thirty foot clown pole.


I mean really. Who would want to leave this unadulterated sex for that blue…thing

I’ve never liked the 3D Metroid games very much, so I’ve always had a special place for Fusion in my cold, black heart, as it desperately tried to show that 2D was still relevant in an increasingly 3D world. Well, now retro gaming has come back into style, and 2D classics like Fusion can finally be given a little more respect in comparison to Prime. While the Metroid series may currently be in limbo after Other M, Fusion stands as one of the highlights of the series and a perfect example of how effective it would be to bring the series back to its roots.

-Mistranslations for the Modern Gamer

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