Pokemon: It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

Everything about Pokemon is absolutely crazy, but does anyone really question the insanity anymore? I mean, the fact that scores of 10 year old children are being sent out of their homes without an education to train monsters is ludicrous, but to fans, that is simply the introduction to a new Pokemon game. So today, I’m going to highlight three of the craziest, most irresponsible, most despicable problems in the Pokemon game series that passes as normal.

The line between cute Pikachu and sadistic torturer blurs when they use the same methods to break an opponent.
1.) Cock Fighting
Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first: Pokemon battling is cock fighting plain and simple. You catch a wild animal, force it into captivity and make it battle other animals until one of them passes out from their injuries. What do you do then? Well you take your Pokemon to the Poke Centre and get its wounds completely healed so that it can battle to exhaustion again of course! This is some Prometheus shit here, and, in that case, he was punished for an unspeakable crime by the gods. In this case, they are just poor unsuspecting animals. Of course nobody in the entire world of Pokemon cares or notices this. There was a glimmer of hope in the creation of Team Plasma in Black and White, but even then they just saw the captivity as cruel, not the fighting, and are frequently shouted down by the entire populace of the game. While this has been frequently noted across the internet, how many people actually think about this while playing the game? When you beat a Pikachu within an inch of its life and force it into a ball for a lifetime of torturous battle, do you reflect on the future misery of your new Pokemon, or are you just happy that you caught a Pikachu?
This is the solution to overcrowded prisons. Pokemon don’t even get food.

2.) The Economy
In Pokemon, there are various jobs people can have around the world to make money. Many trainers fought are part-time Pokemon trainers, who take a break from their jobs, but one thing can be certain: the world in Pokemon revolves entirely around Pokemon. From Poke Centres to huge corporations, everyone is totally preoccupied with Pokemon. There aren’t any services available for humans really at all. Look at Poke Centres for example. They are free Pokemon clinics, which we can only assume are government subsidized. Notice that, in the Pokemon world, there aren’t any hospitals. If a person gets injured or sick then too bad, but Pokemon get all of their many, many wounds healed with taxpayer money. When trainers battle, the loser is forced to give half of their money to the winner. This doesn’t sound too bad, until you notice that you can challenge anyone from old crippled women, to five year old children. One great moment in Pokemon history came near the beginning of Black and White when your character happens upon a preschool. Of course, you are under obligation to not only almost kill all of the poor boys and girls’ cherished pets, but then to take their money.

Oh aren’t you cute. Tell you what. I’m going to beat the crap out of your dog, and then you’re going to give me your lunch money

3.) Government
The government in Pokemon is almost non-existant. In fact at times it seems that the Poke League of each region is the real government. This would go a long way towards explaining why Pokemon are such national concerns. Frequently the Pokemon League champion is just travelling around the region doing whatever he wants. Lance in Pokemon Gold and Silver just declares himself a detective and tries to stop Team Rocket’s nefarious schemes. The champion in Black and White is given similar freedom and the question has to be asked whether or not there even is a government in the Poke world. There is a police force, but they almost prove there is no government through their sheer incompetence. Do you know who foils the plans of the various crime syndicates all over the world? It’s not the police. It’s a bunch of children. From regular police to special detectives, all authority in Pokemon games rely on children, exclusively, to solve their problems, and at no time does anyone think there is a problem with that.

Yes, Pokemon uses Scooby Doo logic. Think about that.

These are only the three biggest concerns with the Pokemon world. There are hundreds of little horrors that pop up on a daily basis that aren’t nearly as obvious. Perhaps, at a later date, I’ll go through a couple more. Whether you’re forcing Pokemon to battle each other under Thunderdome conditions, or enjoying absolutely all of the zero services for humans, or even wondering why that police officer is starring blankly at the wall, remember that this is Pokemon, and Pokemon is insane.

– Mistranslations for the Modern Gamer

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s